Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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