I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
