I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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