the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
