I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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