Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
