it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
as a side note pls kill me
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
