I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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