people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
