The maid of honor just puked.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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