Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
