yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
