We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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