whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
