I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
