Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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