my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
