If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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