that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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