I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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