you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
