The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You made out with two different species that night
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
