Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
