if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
