just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
