Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
