shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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