Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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