my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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