bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
