my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize