I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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