Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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