If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You are a genius and a whore.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
