I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
