Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
