I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
