Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
