Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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