porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
