i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
