i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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