I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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