Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
