I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
