Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
