Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
When did angry sex become our thing?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
