why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
