I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
