Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
