You can't motorboat a personality
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I will be naked everywhere
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize