You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
