Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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