your parents love me but you hate me
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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