I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
