you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
50% drunk capacity currently
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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