You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
