idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
