"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize