Soap is not a condiment
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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