I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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