She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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