I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
