it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
