He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize