tonight lets celebrate not being married
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
