6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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