I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
