Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
