Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
