you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
