I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
