If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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