Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
