I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
