I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize