he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
