I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize