My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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