Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
