and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
