I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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