I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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