when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
