Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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