Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
