just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
