she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
