So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I skipped work to stalk him.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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