Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
