its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize